oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
