We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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