its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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