my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
