The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
