Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
