Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
