K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
