You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Your penis caused this!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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