Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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