i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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