she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize