3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
