hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
