Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
