Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
