we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
