mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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