garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
