8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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