his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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