I want to have your abortion
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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