Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
