how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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