I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
