I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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