Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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