i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
