ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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