PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
ttyl tear gas
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
