Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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