kristin has been a bad kristin
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
