yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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