Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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