just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
