do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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