just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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