I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
