Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i drank out of a bidet.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize