Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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