I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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