Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
