I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize