She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
