just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
That reminds me...we need to get swords
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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