My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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