It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
