you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
