Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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