I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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