next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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