Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
