Porn is love you can see.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Green mimosas i think yes
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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