the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
