can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
