I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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