I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize