I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
