i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
