We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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