I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
