so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize