arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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