Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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