Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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