can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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