things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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