you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
