Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
