she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
