He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
